


Pointless Shades of Nothing

by Cookies_and_Chaos



Category: Underdogs - Chris Bonnello
Genre: Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28112253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookies_and_Chaos/pseuds/Cookies_and_Chaos
Summary: Ewan's motivations no longer align with the rest of the Underdogs but it doesn't matter, the road they're taking is the same. Major Spoilers for Book 1. Written for the 12 Days of Christmas Challenge 2020, Day 4, "Four Hard Shells"
Kudos: 1
Collections: 12 Days of Christmas Challenge 2020





	Pointless Shades of Nothing

They ask me how I'm feeling. I always knew that was a stupid fucking question but we're human so we ask it all the same. Even those of us who wouldn't have asked it if we'd been allowed to just go about life being who were really were ask the same stupid question because our therapists and teachers and everyone drills these ridiculous social responses into us so we can behave just like everyone else.

Except we're not like everyone else, we never were, and I don't want them to ask me how I am and I don't want to tell them the same bullshit answer that I'm supposed to tell them. That I'm sad, that I'm grieving, that I know I will eventually be able to think about you without it feeling like my heart has been wrenched out of my chest. I don't want to say that because it's a lie. I am sad but it's more than that, I'm drowning in rage, burning up into a turmoil that I want to unleash on whoever I can get a hold of. I want to find the people who did this and make them crawl on their hands and knees while I hunt each and every one of them down.

For you, the end was quick. Brutal but quick. I doubt you even felt a thing. 

I don't intend to extend them the same courtesy and I have to keep that to myself. All to myself. If McCormick so much as gets a hint of what I intend to do, he will see to it that I never leave his sight again. So, I go along with their planning and strategising, it makes no difference to me that we have different goals because the route there is the same. They see liberation and victory and some return to normality, this pipe dream we all had when we formed this rag-tag band of would-be soldiers, while I see vengeance and death.

And if I survive all that? If I see your death — your murder — avenged, what then? 

What then indeed. Maybe then I'll find something else worth fighting on for.


End file.
